twentyeleven

and just like that,
it's the last post of this year!

so crazy.

things that i gained & things that changed:

started an etsy shop.

threw a wish party.

had strange allergic reactions.

had a song stuck in my head for a month straight.

had a {hard} birthday.

participated in 30 strangers.

won a cool award.

went blonde!

welcomed one of my best little buddies into my world.

lost one of my other little buddies. :(

lived in summer.

said goodbye to a dear, fictional friend.

fell even more in love with a boy.

went on a family vacation.

sold in two markets!

thoroughly enjoyed autumn.

said "welcome home!" to one of the best humans out here.

shared a personal, freaky story.

zombied out in a video.

made our first official couples friendships.

realized how wonderful my life is.

had an entirely life-changing experience.
learned a little something about service.

went on lots of little dates.

had a magical christmas season.

this year brought plenty of inspiration for me,

as i realized i have to live a life of service,

a life of creativity,

and a life of love. 

so...

you were good to me!

date #12

it must have been a dream where i thought i had posted this already. 
oops. 
well...
this very last date
involved giving.

we just collected things
and gave them.

we made cookies & gave them to neighbors.
we collected our words & called old friends.
we scrounged for change & deposited in red tins next to bell-ringers.

we just... gave.

and it was incredibly liberating and wonderful.

giving cures everything.
everything, i tell you.

then,
we gave to each other.

i sat and doodled with him while watching superhero movies {not my favorite...}. we passed the paper back and forth, each adding only one detail. it's a rather crude depiction of a village of floating houses, but i like it :). {not pictured: crazy, smiling sun; tall, thorn-ridden flowers; & bumpy, ugly clouds. all drawn by me. not cute.}

side note: he used to draw all the time and doesn't anymore. lame, right? well, that same story can be told about me and just about every instrument i've played in life up to this point...

adam's gift to me that day was a manicure! i actually think he did a pretty good job not painting on my skin for a first timer.

* c h r i s t m a s *

in pictures!

needless to say, we had such a good christmas.

sitting around in the family room talking about Christ & his life,
exchanging gifts,
getting books on being creative, a new lens, a fort kit, word games, cozy and oh-so sturdy boots, and plenty of things to make my life that much better,
new pajamas,
singing hymns,
playing just dance all day,
snuggling up with each other and just being together with my family
{even if it's making me super fat}
...
nothing compares.

tied up with string...

wrapping presents was definitely one of the major highlights of this year.
i might have flinched a little when watching how easy it was
to undo the pretty things we did on the gifts this year.
one tear and it was finished!

i'd also like to thank the good people of pinterest
for convincing me to buy brown paper
and adorn things with ribbons and bows and pretty papers!

i tried to fight it,
but pinterest was all "do it. do it, ayley. c'mon, just do it."
he can be so pushy sometimes!

that moment when...

...you realize the amazing, monumental things you can do with the life you are given.


that is all.

date #11

how did i just learn that noel is another word for Christmas?

i feel like i've been through life
being taught something entirely different,
but ask me what that is.
:)

no idea.

noel is such a pretty word!
so...
adam & i got together and made a decoration to remind us of Christ using the word.

we gathered inspiration from miss caitlin holcomb, who is a genius!

not pictured are large jump rings & thick cotton cording to hang it!

{ if you want detailed instructions on how to make glitter letters, check here! we didn't follow them, but you could!}

adam isn't much of a crafter,
but was so super helpful
and surprisingly smart about where to find all of the supplies at the store,
how to hang it,
and how to secure the letters!
he even had a much better idea of using permanent spray adhesive as opposed to mod podge or glue,
which was infinitely better!
not a fan of mod podge, for some reason.

he even helped make our own glitter color when we couldn't find anything like the color i wanted
{which was more of a bronzey silver... not just silver silver! craft store employees didn't even know what i was saying!}
who knew??
impressed, i was.

we were inspired by the general fringe & glitter idea {here}
and added a little glitter trim
and some knotted, patterned fabric along the top!

here's where i show you a picture!
wait,
oops!

too bad it's at adam's house
& i didn't take a picture of the finished product
& he's out of town!

so weird, right?
i guess i was just so thrilled to be finished, i spaced photographing it!

use your imaginations.
it's super cute.
    trust me.
no one's more disappointed in me right now
THAN me. 

in other, related news,
i'm obsessed with glitter letters right now.

i now want to make glitter letters for my future home using these.
glitter makes me so so happy!

and working together on a project made us feel like this commercial
but not married,
and adam was the one standing back and telling me up, down, right, left, etc.
while we worked,
we hummed that little tune
and felt like corny fools.

and i loved it.

a child on christmas

have you seen this?
it's a letter to santa written 100 years ago in dublin!

according to irish times:

"On Christmas Eve 1911, a brother and sister, who signed their names, “A or H Howard”, penned their personally designed letter to Santa with their requests for gifts and a good luck message at their home in Oaklands Terrace, Terenure (or Terurnure, as the children spelled it) in Dublin"

hannah & alfred howard asked for:
-a baby doll
-a waterproof with a hood
-a pair of gloves
-a toffee apple
-a gold penny
-a silver sixpence
& a long toffee

too cute!

and who can forget this sweet response to little virginia asking if santa was real.

i had the pleasure of seeing this in the newseum in DC {my favorite!}.
melted my heart!




 read it here, if you like!




my parents have kept our letters to santa from over the years.

children are so sweet.
so simple.
so loving.
their eyes are full of wonder
and their heads full of dreams.


so magical!

how to be alone

in these lonely days without my love
spent hiding under my blankets,
making countdowns using every crayon, pen, pencil, marker i can find, in every font i know,
clutching my phone close to me everywhere i go,
scratching at my skin a little too much,
avoiding reminders and wanting to jump into the ocean of time and break the surface of the other side of this separation...

i return to this
and am reminded to embrace the lovely and the lonely in my life.

"lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it...

it doesn't mean you're not connected, that community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it."

and i learn how to be alone
and be okay.

it's arduous.
it's unwanted.
it's deviant.

and it's renewing.

date #10

sharing is caring!

adam & i decided to make a date of teaching each other things!

adam is super good at knowing how to kill people. creepy, right?
but he has interesting knowledge of martial arts
and knows where exactly to hit someone,
the weak spots.

this knowledge also makes for great shoulder massages, believe it or not,
but he's so strong that sometimes i feel like he's trying to put me in a sleeper hold.

we cleared out a space in my room
and he taught me how to do a few headlocks, leg locks, and the "right" way to punch.
i'm never going to use this on anyone besides adam, mind you,
but, man, are there a lot of places on a person that, when hit, could really hurt them!

adam put me in a sleeper hold at 30% of his strength and i blacked out.
dude is strong.

i also feel like punching hurts me more than it would hurt the other person. which should not be the case...
definitely not my thing.

but i know what i'm gonna do next time adam is trying to read the newspaper. ;)

for my turn,
i taught adam a couple things in photoshop!
we ended up p-shoppin' this little guy
and naming him lawrence.

his real name is courtney, but he needed to establish himself in the business world.
you understand.
so, now only his wife is allowed to use that name.
his half human/half fox pups don't even know his secret.
i hope you'll keep it, too.
it would ruin the empire he has built with his own two man hands.

free{dumb}

hanging out with adam brings lots of perks
in the form of free stuff.

a trip to the movies will often result in free movie tickets, free popcorn, letting us try something new behind the counter or being able to leave the movie we're in and head to a different one if we don't like it {seriously!}.
a trip to mini's cupcakes downtown leads to free cupcakes, new recipes the baker is trying out, or free sodas.
a trip to the diner once led to us getting a free BOX of cinnamon rolls and some bear claws.
a trip to a small game store led to us getting some free glass coke bottles.
a trip to the thrift store led to adam getting six free ties and, for me, a pretty yellow plate.
once an airline let him change his flight reservation FOR FREE.
last time we went to get my bike fixed, i walked out of there with a free {super cool} water bottle.
he always seems to have coupons/vouchers/etc for free things at restaurants all over because he meets workers who hand over their employee perks!

he just starts talking to people
and they give him {us} free stuff!

adam is extroverted.
i am not.

but i reap the benefits.

i decided i seriously need to work on being more outgoing.
i started thinking about all of the people i admire.
99% of them are outgoing!

if you want to be a kind person,
you need to be proactive.

we watched a documentary the other night on the historical accuracy of Jesus' life
and an anthropologist described the place where Jesus set up camp.
the way he was describing it,
it was basically the NYC of the middle east.

lots of people,
lots of different kinds of people to reach
in a short distance.

gotta be where the action is.

so we went downtown
and i talked to people
and i ordered our food
and i remained calm in crowds
and i let adam be the one to sit back and take everything in.
it was hard for both of us,
but that's the beauty of it.

it's gonna hurt like growing pains.

whatever it is that you do,
try reversing the roles sometimes.

i saw a quote on pinterest,
"routine does not allow progress".

i'm not a routine kid, usually. actually routine is kind of a four letter word to me...
but when it comes to adam
i completely follow a routine.

i realized this when we were walking out of the restaurant and we were getting the "thanks for coming in" send-off from a hostess. i turned to smile politely at her, but said nothing. adam said nothing, either, so in the end i just awkwardly smiled at her for a brief moment as we walked out the door. i realized i rely on adam to say the "thank you" in return, and i always do the "smile politely and leave" part. so without adam speaking, i just get awkward.

DUMB, right?

why can't i be the one to speak sometimes?
can't think of a reason why... other than i don't wanna. it's hard.
but since when has that stopped any great person from doing anything??

so whatever it is that you do,
take a break & switch it up.

and this ends my personal story of how i learned i'm too dependent on the social side of my boyfriend.

adam is still super cool.
it's still almost christmas.
and i'm still trying to become a better person every day of my life.

it's all good.

date #9

though adam is gone,
we still have a few dates to report from before he left!

we spent an awesome evening
building an awesome blanket fort,
chatting about our first crushes, first kisses, first dates,
& watching a movie.

sometimes the best thing to do
is just cozy up and love each other.

we are so lucky to be human beings!
to have the ability to love & be loved
is such a blessing.

{via}

adam has been getting on me about how i take pictures of every event, of everything we eat, of each time we hang out,
saying he just wants more "us" time & less posing time.
boys, right?

so i am finding that i have less pictures of things we do lately.
and i'm sad about that.

so adam...
you're just gonna have to get over it! :)

seventeen days, five hours, two thousand miles

so this guy is leaving
tomorrow
until january fifth.

you read that right...
JANUARY 5TH!

christmas & new years!

sometimes i forget that i have to share him with his family in DC.
and he hasn't seen them in over one year
so it's only fair,
and i'm SO happy that he gets to go visit them for so long
and at such a wonderful time of year!
it's really been too long.

but still i want to cry every second of every day thinking about all those days where he won't be in my immediate reach.
i can't let myself think about it for too long or else...
to top it all off... he's switching from att to verizon and it won't be final until after he's left...
so, you guessed it,
no cell phone while he's away.
plus his laptop is broken.
so no skype.
so, yeah, um, like no communication unless he can borrow a phone or send a postcard!

seventeen days is over half a month!
buuuut it's so short compared to what other kids have had to endure,
but just let me be a baby about this...

because seventeen days is SO LONG!

date #8

the christmas season wouldn't be complete
without a trip to temple square!

we started the night off with a sushi date...

my "hermione" face

and took the loooong way downtown to look at pretty houses & pretty lights
while singing some christmas carols
{okay.... that part was mostly me}.

temple square is so magical.

i wish i took more pictures of the pretty lights!
we were a little distracted by a couple that we totally thought was going to get engaged,
by kids running around and bumping into us,
by trying to find our way around the square,
by thinking that my car was going to get towed,
by meeting new friends
& sitting in silence, gazing at the lovely nativity.

my favorite part of the night was spending time in the north visitors center
{after they shut the lights out to close it down & everyone left! shh!}.
it was so quiet and so peaceful... such a contrast from the hustle and bustle of the season.
we walked around on the main floor and looked at all the huge paintings of Christ on the walls,
pointing out what we liked about each one.
we both put ourselves in each painting
describing the way that we would be reacting, the way we would look, the way the artist would paint us if we were in that moment.
there was a moment where we just stood there,
looking at angels prophesying of Christ's return to a humble group of people,
and adam subtly pulled me in just that much closer,
and we just stood and stared {until we were asked to leave...}.
it was magical.

---

more dates here.

what happens when when you're on a date with friends & take a bathroom break, leaving your camera behind

k-rad forever.

date #7

so my dad told an awesome little story the other night.

remember the time Jesus walked on water?
me too.

let's recap.

the twelve disciples are out on their boat
when the waters become rough and difficult.

cue Jesus, walking toward them on the surface,
performing this famous miracle.
the disciples were afraid
but Jesus reassured them it was indeed Him.

peter spoke out,
saying,
"if it really is you, let me walk out to you"

Jesus invited him to step onto the water,
knowing that peter would fail
that his faith would waver.

my father emphasized that Jesus knew that peter would fail.
He allowed him to walk out anyway
just to show him that he could perform miracles
if he just believed he could.

so many times in life we get caught up in the strengths/weaknesses game
and let someone else take care of something we're not the best at,
and vice versa.

i know adam & i do that.
all the time.

even though i preach the opposite to my dance students all the time!
there are girls who can kick their own heads, jump higher than i am tall, and girls who pick up on concepts easier than others.
if someone standing next to you, in the same class, in the same circumstances,
having the same human experience
can do something amazing...
there is absolutely no reason you can't too.

adam & i pledged to allow each other to try at things
and gracefully fail.
no criticisms, no comments.

we made a visual list {for my house, not unlike this one... and one on adam's chalkboards at his house}
of strengths and weaknesses
and set goals for each other.

it's really hard to admit all of the things you are doing wrong in the relationship!
i learned that i'm not nearly as affectionate as adam is,
and adam is usually the first to worry or think something awful is wrong.

we also made spiritual goals.

when adam & i were long distance
{2,008 miles apart, if we're getting into the number game...},
we would pray together every night.
we would send each other little emails with things we adored & aspired to.
now that we're 7-8 miles apart
that kind of fell away a little...
so we're changing that!

setting goals together put a new kind of confidence in our relationship.
we can both perform miracles we thought were impossible
if we just have a little faith in each other. :)

date #6

christmas dating is so much fun!

on this sixth date of christmas,
we indulged in a little diner food
and looked through old photos of past christmases together!

since adam moved here solo
from maryland,
he doesn't have a whole lot of tangible things that hold memories.
he does have a couple cute {blurry} pictures that his mama posted online for him.

since i've lived in utah forever...
i, on the other hand,
have hundreds of pictures at my disposal.
we have a few boxes downstairs just full of old pictures.
needless to say, we had to limit ourselves when it came to my side.

enjoy baby adley!

 - he said // she said -

[ past christmas version ]

favorite childhood christmas present?

jordan & i got a walkie-talkie set {pictured above}. i got a super cool robe & bear paw slippers. i felt like da man.

my brother & i got matching school desks! i also got a li'l fashion designer kit that i used to the bone. 

favorite christmas carol?

jackson 5 - i saw mommy kissing santa claus. i wanted to sing like michael & one year {finally} i thought i sang just like him. i was quite happy with myself.

when i was younger it was 'up on the housetop'. i always made up different actions each time i sang it. i guess that's the dancer in me.

favorite christmas tradition growing up?

surprise! it's food. my grandma's crab soup is ridiculous! she would only make it at christmas time. it doesn't feel like christmas without it!

so many! we go to my grandmother's house & have a talent show, gift exchange, new pajamas, nativity, santa claus, & lots of singing!

favorite sign that christmas was near?

when we would get our tree, my dear late sister, noelle, {whom i miss dearly} would get so excited. she would stare at it for hours. her joy was so contagious. 

my mom did an excellent job of bringing the christmas spirit into our house with cookies, scents, decorations... but the moment we got our tree did me in. always.

favorite christmas memory?

uh.... see above? haha. but just being together as a whole family. i miss it. my sister, having the name noelle, thought christmas was just for her. she was in heaven. my brother & i would always make our lists together... we'd bake cookies with mom and sing carols and watch movies. life changes in the blink of an eye. memories of past christmases are some of the warmest and most loving memories i have of my family together. where would i be without Christ? He gives me the hope/knowledge that my family will be together again & forever. 
truly the most wonderful time of the year.

it's rather simple... i remember sitting in my old house, opening presents with my family. i had a moment where i just sat back and watched the excited, joyful looks on my parent's faces as my younger sisters opened their gifts. it was that moment in my childhood where i understood what Christ must be feeling, giving these gifts and seeing how happy it makes us. it made me want to hug Him & i began to cry. my parents thought i was just unhappy with something i had opened, and i couldn't find the words to explain what was really going on. oops! family take this as me clearing it up now.

giveaway! {closed}

what's good??

this week we're having a superkool shay.jaylove giveaway!
{we? i meant just me. there's no one else.}

winner will receive three wool felt bows {pictured above} in strawberry red, cream, & muted green.
pretty retro christmas colors!
bows are approx 4in x 2in {may vary!}.

here's the catch:

it's way too easy these days to simply leave a comment & hope for the best...

so TO ENTER...
1 - you must be a follower of this here blog
2 - i'm asking that you perform one act of kindness
3 - comment below telling me about it!

let's contribute to the charity of the world
and you just might get some cute bows out of it. :)

you may also receive additional entries by tweeting & tagging!

giveaway will close thursday & winner will be announced friday!

good luck!

---

well, it's friday!

aaaaaand the winner issssss.....

sweet, right?
{& not because of your extra entry. :) }

email me & we can set this up!!

ch-ch-ch-changes!

notice anything?

no, this blog did not get a haircut nor did it lose weight...

we've got a new URL!

yep.
just my name.
soo clever. :)
possibly temporary.
who knows.

turns out,
people really don't like the word "whore".
who knew??

we will be making all kinds of changes round here over the next few weeks.

and apparently i say we
 referring to this blog and i.
whatev.

we're still pretty pleased with ourselves.

date #5

it's a bit of a tradition
that every year, the johnsons participate in sub for santa/angel trees/etc
and i was sooo excited to do this with my love!

at the top of my list
EVERY year
is money for the angel trees around town.

not only do i get extremely emotional thinking about these kiddos on christmas morning
{i wish i could be there with them when they open their presents!},
but it's also super fun to go shopping for them!

{via}

going with adam was such a wonderful thing.
i felt so empowered...
like we were a team,
arm in arm, standing together,
a force for good against the world.
it's a wonderful feeling.

it is also really interesting to see the things that we each prized as children
{and our differing ideas about what a seven year old boy may like!}.

i can't remember the exact number,
but a large percentage of prisoners are also parents.
more & more families are needing to ask for help from food banks & food stores.

here i am,
sitting on a super comfortable couch,
music playing in the background,
a fire roaring in the fireplace,
typing away on my twelve hundred dollar laptop...

i'm so so so sososoosooo blessed.

i feel so poor.
i can't afford to go clothes shopping more than twice per year.
i struggle to make my car payments sometimes.
i have to conserve and recycle and save all my resources.

but what little i can give,
i will gladly do it.

adam is the most philanthropic dude you will meet.
always giving.
always.

i'm so lucky and blessed to have a man who loves giving more than i do.

we decided,
that after performing these acts of service...
after grabbing hands and setting out to make a difference...
we have never felt closer.

making it *look* a lot like christmas

it's almost as though we need the visuals
of red & green
of sparkles & stars
of that pretty green tree and the shiny gold ornaments
in order to feel all christmasy and warm.

a few holiday musts:

#1 - making cookies.

look closely.
this is a holiday massacre. 
we had to do something with all the broken cookies. 
we decided these poor souls were at their company christmas party.
they thought the christmas tree was counting down to the big day. 
turns out it was a BOMB.
poor, innocent cookie people. 
we're morbid cookie decorators. 


#2 - adorn everything...

 with lights...

 with garlands...

...with glitter!

you can't see very well in this photo, 
but my dad created large icicle lights using saran wrap & bundles of white lights. 
they. are. magical.
 quite the inventive guy, doncha think?


#3 - homemade gifts.

this year i'm giving adam a series of gifts a la the three spirits of a christmas carol... three things that represent his past, present & future. i got too excited about it so i'm already finished... and every day i get so close to giving in & handing it over early! 

#4. christmas movie marathons.

{img via}

there is something about christmas movies that makes me absolutely giddy & excited. 

they're ten xs funnier, heartwarming, & magical

than movies watched any other month of the year!

#5 - playing with pretty lights.

oh, christmas!

how i love you!